Monday, 21 July 2008
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Saying goodbye ...
Yesterday, I attended my last service at Aspen Grove Community Church, and later shared a last movie and dinner with two sweet friends. I’ve been walking through a lot of “lasts” in the past several days. Until recently, my focus has been more on the excitement of a new season of life, the anticipated joys of a new ministry to undertake, new challenges to overcome, new relationships to embrace. And while I remain fully convinced of God’s hand in all this, His divine leading and way-making, it’s hitting me at last just how hard it’s going to be to say goodbye…
I moved out to Littleton three years ago this August to attend Denver Seminary. Even though my two-year degree ended up taking three years to complete, that time has gone by in a blink. My graduation back in May had an air of unreality – it may take until this fall, when I’m surrounded by students but with no study requirements of my own, for the truth of my graduate status to hit.
As I sit here, thoughts of all that’s happened in the past three years rush in on me. Thousands of words written, millions more read. Miles walked down the South Platte River trail behind campus, taking in the ever-changing sky and water above and below the immovable mountains. Stacks of textbooks sold in the bookstore. Countless meals prepared and eaten alone; fewer but memorable ones shared in the company of friends. Dozens of golden days captured in digital pictures. Lists of goals achieved, adjusted, or abandoned. And all the people who’ve crossed my Colorado path … those I’ve helped and hurt, loved, lost, and learned from.
Some of the goodbyes I’ve said lately will be the last words I’ll ever share with those friends. Our season of connection has passed, or will soon taper off into memories, leaving us the richer for knowing each other while making room for new ties. But some of my goodbyes, God willing, are less permanent. Conversations will be much fewer and farther between, maintained over phone and Facebook rather than face-to-face. But the bonds that have joined us will hold, and I’m looking forward to seeing what new shapes they take.
I’m not the same person I was when I arrived here three years ago. I’ve been stretched and strengthened, enlightened and encouraged. I’ve walked through pain I didn’t know it was possible to walk through and still endure. And I’ve savored moments of blessing so rich they’ve made me feel like God’s favorite child. Then there’s been the string of ordinary days in between – seen from the perspective I have now, maybe they weren’t so ordinary after all.
I’ve got less than one week left in Colorado, and I know it will be over nearly before I can take a breath. I anticipate poignant remembrances to strike without warning as I walk through now-familiar places. I expect tears to build with each glimpse of my beloved mountains, silent symbols of the hope that brought me to this place and of all I now leave behind in order to move forward.
One thing I like about goodbyes, though, is the way they soften hearts, stirring the depths to bring forth words, embraces, and heartfelt expressions seldom inspired by everyday life. Maybe it would be better for us if we could be more open with our loved ones on a regular basis. But for many of us – myself included – it takes something like a goodbye to overcome our reserve and give us the courage to say or do something we’ve felt in silence for a long time. So to add to my store of memories, I have been collecting a wealth of farewell words, both written and spoken, words full of encouragement, reconciliation, understanding, and love.
I don’t know what the next three years will bring, or even the next three weeks. I do know that I can face them with an even greater hope, trust, and openness than I’ve been capable of before, because of what I’ve learned, who I’ve met, and who I’ve become here. I’ll have to let time and distance confirm, but from where I stand, I think it’s been a fruitful season …
Currently Listening
Relentless
By Natalie Grant
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